Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!
by The Behemoth
Summary: Vegeta is having a hard enough time getting accustomed to dating and living with Goku. It doesn't help when a curse is set on him, and he must complete 5 charitable acts to avoid…balding. Daddy issues, ghosts, and more silly. The long-awaited fluffy sequel to "Everybody Loves Goku!" Vegeta x Goku yaoi and lemon.
1. Part One

**Author's Note:** Hello again, kids! I never thought I would be writing a sequel to _Everybody Loves Goku!_, especially not four years after the fact. Once again I'm at the cusp of crossing a threshold in my life (graduate school, oh lawd!). At this juncture the only appropriate thing to do is to not worry about what it means to be an adult, but to write fanfiction! I hope this tickles your fancy as much as the original fic, but I can't promise it will be as long. I hope it's as good as well. I will keep the same light-heartedness and humor that was in the last so to keep the spirit of the series. Slight AU, but not by a lot.

**Pairing: **(Goku/Vegeta) with humor, fluff, romance, a pinch of angst, and delicious lemons scattered throughout. Some hints of (Goten/Trunks), though they are not the focus of this story.

**Rating:** M, so if you're not into that kind of thing you're in the wrong place. Also the next chapter will be less of a tease. :3

**Summary: **Vegeta is having a hard enough time getting accustomed to dating and living with Goku. It doesn't help when a curse is set on him, and he must complete 5 charitable acts to avoid…balding. Daddy issues, ghosts, and more silly. The long-awaited fluffy sequel to "Everybody Loves Goku!" Planned to be about seven chapters long.

**Disclaimer: **DBZ belongs to Toriyama; if I am to be sued, all you will receive are my $100,000+ in student loans!

* * *

**Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!**

Part One

* * *

Vegeta never believed he would become a fucking housewife.

In a lot of ways it was his fault. He moved in (voluntarily!) with Goku after the Chichi-ghost debacle a few months before. And by gods, the third-class broke him in ways that not even Bulma Briefs thought was possible during her life on Earth.

He broke Vegeta, _every night_, with his furtive glances across the dinner table. There was no longer a reason to be shy, to pretend their feelings weren't laid bare every night when Vegeta would take Goku in bed—but there he was, blushing and looking at Vegeta below barely-raised lashes. And instead of punching him upside the head or flinging ramen at him, which he would have happily done a few months ago, Vegeta could only snort and tenderly rub Goku's knee beneath the table. Even then there were many unspoken words between them. Goku feared Vegeta's wavering fidelity; even after all that happened between them, Vegeta had to assuage his Kakarot's fears.

Not once had Vegeta told Goku to his face he loved him. Passivity was cowardly behavior in his culture, but he just could not not _not_, not in a million years, say those three words from his lips. So in his frustration, he said it through actions.

Goku was a good enough cook, but always the one to be competitive, Vegeta took over all grocery shopping and cooking duties to one-up his partner.

Whenever served with an excellent meal and a string of insults (they went hand-in-hand in the Son house now), Goku could only grin dumbly and say, "Thanks, Vegeta!" It sent the Saiyan Prince into a rage, which he channeled into washing dishes.

Goku was shitty at getting laundry done before it turned into a mountain of mildew. So Vegeta took care of that too. "Whoa, thanks Vegeta!" Goku would say while pulling his white tank over his spiky hair. When Vegeta chastised Goku for throwing jeans into the dryer since "any civilized, sentient being knows that you leave denim out to dry," Goku just scratched his head in confusion and kissed Vegeta full on the lips to make his angry-face go away.

"Get up, you lazy brat," was how Vegeta greeted Goten every morning to wake him up in time for school. Of course, he never woke up on the first try, so Vegeta had to flip the mattress. Every. Godsdamned. Morning.

He felt weakened. His and Goku's sparring matches were just as extraordinary as before, but Goku took up to whining about minor bruises and broken bones afterward. At first Vegeta was shocked at the display of bitch-assness, but after giving Goku the sixth back massage in a straight week, he realized he was being used. The next day, he mercilessly slapped his mate around as retribution, but he remembered Goku _liked_ that kind of thing…and then he had to look into Goten's blank eyes hours later and avoid having to tell him dinner wasn't ready because he had just spent the last 3 hours fucking his father hard enough to send him to another dimension.

It was a cloudy afternoon when Vegeta sighed in defeat after failing to vacuum a stain from the living room rug. He ripped the plug from the wall, ripped off the 50s style apron that somehow found its way onto his person, and stomped into Goku's room.

The bedroom window was left open, and a soft torrent of rain spray splashed from the sill onto the edge of the bed. Goku lay spread-eagle on his blue bed sheets, which were religiously tucked under the mattress edge as if some bedroom Nazi made sure not an inch of linen peeped out. Obviously Vegeta's doing. He sat on the bed, admiring Goku's angular nose and jaw, and how the slow rise of his chest was chased by a low whistling noise from his nostrils. He always looked angelic when he slept.

Vegeta slid off his t-shirt and jeans, and straddled Goku's waist. Earth's savior shifted his hips and opened one eye. "Whatcha doin'?"

"You've slept long enough. I need to fuck."

Goku pushed himself up on his forearms. "But I'm so tired. We already did that this morning. And after lunch. And—"

Vegeta leaned down and kissed Goku deeply. Goku's breath hitched and he stopped breathing for a few seconds.

Vegeta traced Goku's lips with his right thumb, enjoying how soft the skin was. He pressed a bit harder until his thumb slid into his partner's mouth, rubbing the top of his tongue. Goku moaned and playfully licked the intrusion. Vegeta pushed his index and middle finger in as well until they were coated with saliva. With his free hand he yanked Goku's pants off and flung them to the floor.

"Vegeta," Goku breathed in a daze before pulling his head away to get his shirt over his head. The Prince ran his coarse hand up and down the inside of Goku's bare thighs, which quivered from the warm touch. Vegeta didn't waste any time finding the middle of Goku's legs, and he pressed on the furled bundle of muscle there. Goku arched his back off the bed.

"You don't seem too tired to me." Vegeta circled his fingers around the entrance, all gentle, teasing the skin and slipping in a digit to test the muscle's resistance. This elicited a moan from Goku, who lolled his head back so it fell onto the pillow.

He ran his free hand slowly across Goku's chest, feeling muscle tense and relax as he let his fingers leave ghost trails that prickled his partner's skin. _You're always so responsive_, Vegeta thought, wondering how a person can feel and react to everything, all of the time.

These moments were _also_ when Goku broke him.

He pressed his fingers inside of Goku and thrust and twirled them until they sank comfortably to the hilt. There was enough slick to cause a moist slapping sound against their skin. Vegeta stared at how his fingers disappeared and were clutched by Goku, and he sighed.

"'geta?" Goku softly panted in time with Vegeta's invading fingers. "Can I ride you?"

The Prince felt heat rise to his cheeks. A joke had to be in there somewhere. However, all witticisms escaped him and he simply nodded and slid down onto the bed next to Goku. Goku rose above him, a dark shadow over his otherwise innocent features, and Vegeta basked in knowing he was one of the few people in existence who knew what his Kakarot's face looked like when he wanted to rut like a dog in heat. They never broke their gaze, and both inhaled deeply as he lowered himself onto Vegeta's member.

Goku bit his lower lip. He had to focus to accommodate for the intrusion, especially at this angle, but he soon sank down so both of their hips kissed. Goku's weight was making Vegeta feel a dizzy bliss.

"Ah, 'geta—mm, you feel really good." He rode Vegeta's hips, impaling himself with each descent. Vegeta couldn't say anything at all. The feeling overwhelmed every sense. He dug his fingers into Goku's hips and made him bounce harder against him.

They continued like this for a long time, until Vegeta couldn't stifle his own moans. Goku was riding him hard enough to smash the back of the bed against the wall at a steady rhythm. Vegeta gave up on controlling the man on top of him and just hung onto the backboard to ride out his orgasm.

"Vegeta…"

"Hnn."

"'Geta…"

"What is it?" Vegeta was sweating and _so close_. Goku usually stopped his onslaught of blabbering during sex.

"Can I, um, you know?"

"What _is_ it, Kakarot?"

"Can I go inside of you?"

Vegeta dropped his hands from the headboard. "You mean _you_ want to screw _me_?"

Even in the middle of sex Goku could pull up his dumb grin. "Yeah, I was thinking it would be pretty nice for once."

Vegeta shoved Goku off his hips and nearly onto the floor. He looked scandalized. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"HEY! You didn't have to do that!" Goku rubbed his ass. "It was just a question!"

"Dammit, Kakarot." Vegeta stood up and pulled his jeans back up. His hard-on strained against his zipper. "I cook and I clean for you. Can you at least leave me whatever last bit of manhood I have left for the bedroom?"

Goku stuck out his bottom lip, looking pathetic. "It isn't fair if I can't do to you what you do to me! I'm curious too, you know!"

Tension built up from behind Vegeta's eyes. It was almost _always_ a Son that caused this feeling. He pressed a thumb and index finger against his forehead to keep the pressure at bay. "Kakarot, I know we've never talked about this before, but in Saiyan tradition it's normal for one person to be the dominant one and the other the submissive. As the Prince of Planet Vegeta, it's only the natural order of things that I be the dominant one. Case _closed_."

Goku muttered something under his breath.

Vegeta whipped his head around, fuming. "What did you just say?!"

'"Nothin'."

Vegeta growled, and pushed Goku back down into the bed. "Say it to my face, clown!"

"I _just_ said, 'There isn't a Planet Vegeta anymore so you really aren't a _prince_ anymore.'" He shrugged his shoulders under Vegeta's weight, his own temper building.

"How—how _dare _you! Whether or not Planet Vegeta exists is irrelevant; I am still a prince and you my last surviving servant!"

"If you're going to pretend like Saiyan ritual means anything, then what are you doing with a third-class?!" Goku's bark was nasty, and he knew as soon as the words left his mouth that Vegeta would go off the deep end.

"Did you ever think for a second that I would still be fucking you if anyone else from my planet was still around?" Vegeta spat. "I fucked Raditz at any chance I got when he still alive!"

Goku's face darkened as he pulled away from Vegeta's vice grip. He rolled over on his side so his face was hidden. "I've asked you before if you ever had sex with a man, and you said no."

A familiar rage boiled beneath the surface of Vegeta's skin; it was the same rage he felt so many years ago when he hated Goku with every ounce of his being. The anger was like an old muscle in use after years: sore but familiar. He couldn't stop himself.

"It wouldn't have helped with you knowing! And—and your brother was a better lay than you could ever be!" With that, Vegeta pulled his shirt and boots on without looking Goku in the eye, and fled from the room.

He punched the door open and was met with the unfortunate sight of Goten pretending like he hadn't heard anything. The younger Son was shoving a huge meatball sub down his gullet, and looked as if he were about to choke from the death glare Vegeta shot in his direction.

"Shut-up," Vegeta said. He pulled his leather jacket off the coat rack by the front door. Mindlessly he ran his fingers across the small table next to the rack, found a small moleskin notebook, and stuffed it into his pocket. A second later he was gone.

* * *

Goku moped in bed for ten minutes before turning to the trusted confines of the refrigerator for comfort. For each scoop of chocolate ice cream shoved into his mouth, the more his anger abided. It was promptly replaced with annoyance. _What a jerkface,_ Goku thought, _I can't believe he had sex with my brother!_

Raditz was a real dick, too.

A nightmare crept into his mind. _Maybe Vegeta only likes me because I look close enough to Raditz_? The thought made him finish the gallon of Blue Bunny five seconds later.

Goten walked through the kitchen and grabbed the three jumbo bags of ranch potato chips sitting on the counter. "Hey Dad, what's up?"

"Vegeta's being dumb!" Goku picked up the remote and turned on the TV. He never bothered with the device unless he was with friends or watching the Saturday morning cartoon block.

"Oh. Um, that sucks." Goten scratched the back of his head. He still had no idea why Vegeta was living with his dad, or why the two seemed to be a lot more emotionally sensitive than before. It bothered him for a few days, but when Vegeta took over kitchen duties, he forgot about his confusion and just basked in the afterglow of a nightly post-dinner ecstasy. The man could cook.

"…And that's why I'm not feeling too great." Goku finished telling a story Goten didn't even know he started.

"Uh…Yeah. Sorry about that, Dad."

Goku stared into his son's eyes. He squinted. "Why are your eyes all red?" He could see the fresh wave of paranoia wash over Goten's face. "Have you been crying?"

"Of course not!" He pawed at his bag of chips, looking suspicious. "Just hanging out with Trunks in the basement and…yeah."

Goku raised a brow. "I didn't know Trunks was over. What are you up to?"

Goten struggled to say a coherent sentence. Goku was further weirded out and just walked to the basement door to chat with Trunks himself.

The second he opened the door, a billowing cloud of smoke escaped and curled around Goku's body like a serpent. "Whoa!"

"Dad, don't!" Goten whined behind him. Goku ignored him and walked down the wooden stairs, each slat groaning under the weight of his feet.

"Hi, Goku!" Trunks waved at him from the plush couch at the basement bottom. He was dressed to a T as always. His hair was grown out to a long ponytail, and he wore a heavy leather sports jacket and shiny loafers. Goku remembered Bulma telling him how Trunks travelled the world attending "business internships," but even Goku was smart enough to know Trunks was simply globetrotting to make use of his family's fortune.

_How does Goten get along with someone so spoiled? _Goku then smacked his forehead, remembering who he dealt with on a daily basis. He paused afterward to wrinkle his nose. "Why does it smell like pinecones down here?"

Trunks held up a short pipe filled with a green leafy substance unfamiliar to Goku. "We were just smoking. I hope it doesn't bother you too much!" He dropped his head and stared holes into his loafers. "Mom would have a fit if I smoked at Capsule Corp…"

"Ooh, smoking? Isn't that supposed to be bad for you?" Goku knew Bulma complained about it before finally quitting a few years back.

"You're thinking of cigarettes. We're smoking Mary-Jane."

Goku tilted his head. "Who's Mary-Jane?"

"You know," Trunks opened his palms toward Goku in emphasis, "Weed."

"Weeds? Like in a garden?"

"Marijuana!"

"I don't know who Mary is!"

Trunks threw his hands up in defeat. "Just hit this." He pushed the pipe beneath Goku's nose; Goku reflexively pulled away from the strange-smelling plant.

"Why would I hit this thing? Did it do something wrong?"

Trunks held the pipe between his fingers so his thumb rested over the open hole in its side. With his opposite hand he pressed a lighter against the plant inside of the pipe's bowl. "Just suck on this and you will understand everything," he said.

* * *

_Shit. I am a jackass._

The peaceful rain spatter in the past hour turned into an unrelenting torrent. Vegeta found refuge under the branches of a large tree with weeping branches miles away from home. A frown set itself deep in his face as he scribbled in his moleskin pad. Not even Goku knew what he wrote in the thing, and even with his recent dickish behavior that probably wouldn't change. He chewed on the end of his pen and slipped the pad into his back pants pocket.

He never intended on Goku finding out about Raditz…They were fuck buddies standing on the edge of the universe watching Frieza capture every planet in his wake. They were space pirates with no real home. Raditz was good enough when he thought raiding planets was all he could ever have.

But Goku was _different. _And precious.

Why did he ask from Vegeta what he could never give? What would be left of him then, if he let Goku penetrate him? It made him sick, because to be submissive brought up distant memories of Planet Vegeta and his father. His father, who'd rather let his people suffer under the rule of a lizard instead of dying with their pride intact. His father, who died because he waited too late and was too weak…if the last surviving member of the royal family couldn't hold onto the pride the king never had, there would be nothing left.

And no matter how much Goku loved him and how much _he_ cared about the third-class, he couldn't let him be the strongest in the universe _and _the dominant one in the relationship. Without pride, Vegeta believed he would cease to exist.

He rolled his neck around until it popped. What the hell was he supposed to do with all of these emotions anyway?! It was like a giant, angry block was sitting in his path, and no matter how much he pummeled it or screamed at it, it would still sit there as if gloating from lack of affectation. How could he even _begin _to make Goku understand without making him feel like shit again?

A soft _blip!_emitted from his jacket pocket. The familiar sound made Vegeta's stomach drop. He checked his phone.

**Kakarot has just sent you a text message!**

_Shit! _He opened the text:

**I hope u r proud of urself b/c I am so angry that I cn't even figure out how 2 turn on this new electric kettle u got and now I cn't eat anyting1!1**

Goku's grammar went to shit whenever he sent angry text messages. He could already see the idiot's fingers bumbling on his phone's keypad. Vegeta started to reply, gave up, and just slipped the phone back into his pocket. He reached for his breast pocket and pulled out a cigarette instead. Goku had no idea he smoked. Hell, he didn't even do it often enough to warrant buying more than a few packs a month, but it was a part of his identity he felt would clash with Goku's "poster boy for humanity" image.

While taking a drag he glanced through the branches of the tree, which were swollen with rainwater that dribbled down onto his shoulders. Far into the distance, maybe a mile west, he saw a faint flash. Normally he was indifferent to strange phenomena (it usually found him in the form of an alien monster later), but he had to kill some time before going back home.

The weather worsened the farther he walked, which irritated him once the ground was soft enough to suck his soles down into the earth. Soon he approached a clearing; a strange arrangement of stone pillars surrounded a pit burrowed into the ground. Otherwise, it looked innocuous.

"**Prince Vegeta. Come to me."**

The Prince widened his eyes until they were as huge as saucers. _That voice. I haven't heard it since…_

A cloudy apparition rose from the pit. A burly, human silhouette materialized in the cloud until it hovered above Vegeta like an animal about the pounce. Glowing yellow eyes stared down at him, and Vegeta fell to his knees.

"Father?"

The last living King of Planet Vegeta was before him, visage hazy in the rain. In the past Vegeta had hallucinations of his father, and sometimes visions near the brink of death. But never had his experience been this visceral. The scent of starched linens invaded Vegeta's nostrils, and he remembered what his father's cape smelled like when he used to bury his face in it to hide as a child.

"**Do not look so frightened," **King Vegeta said, twitching his moustache. **"I would not drag myself from the land of the dead just to scare you."**

Vegeta clenched his fists. "I was never afraid of you!"

"**I'm sure that isn't the case. Do you remember the time you hid under your bed when I put on that mask, and I took it off telling you I was just joking but you cried for an hour anyway?"**

"I don't remember that happening. Ever," Vegeta said.

"**Your selective memory makes you a coward. You're even hiding from your mate now."**

"He isn't a real mate! He doesn't know—"

"**Doesn't know the true mating ritual? I'm sure that's the case because you never told him."**

Vegeta gazed up at the apparition. He ground his teeth together in rage. "You have no right to talk about Kakarot and me, or how I live up to ritual. You rolled over to Frieza until it was too late, while I proudly lived for the Saiyan race beyond your death!" The caked mud on his knees sucked him deeper into the ground as he struggled to stand.

"**Kakarot is just as much a savior—a **_**prince, **_**even**_**—**_** for humanity as he is for our race." **King Vegeta stretched his hand out toward his son and pressed it against his heart. **"You go on about your history, but you purposely keep one piece of it hidden to protect your pride. You know that Kakarot in reality is the dominant—"**

Regressing back to ten years old, Vegeta stuck his fingers into his ears. "LALA, I'M NOT LISTENING TO THIS DRIVEL!"

"**If you do not change, your pride is going to destroy you—"**

Vegeta turned his back on his father. He drove his fingers deeper into his ear canals. "I don't hear anything right now, so I'm going home!"

"**If you ignore me, you will regret it!"**

"I'm walking away for real now, so stop talking!"

"**You're a stubborn jackass!"**

"I get it from my father!"

"**Your brother Tarble, bless his soul, may have been a bit slow but at least he wasn't an annoying little prick like you!"**

"Tarble didn't even mate with a Saiyan. I don't know if his wife even has genitalia!"

"**I thought you couldn't hear me!"**

"Shut-up!"

"**No, you!" **King Vegeta released an exasperated sigh as his son stomped away. He rubbed the space between his eyes, and stopped once he saw his son doing the same. **"If you don't stop and listen to me, you **_**will**_** regret it in the morning!"**

Vegeta flipped his father the bird and kept along his merry way. _Wretched fool, coming back from the dead to berate me on my godsdamned sex life!_

"**Very well."** King Vegeta stretched his arm, but this time to point his index finger in accusation at his son's retreating back. **"I will take away your pride until you prove to me, just one time, that you deserve it!"**

The Prince of all Saiyans was far enough away to genuinely not hear a word his father had to say.

"**You come back here and listen to me, or I will make this curse twice as awful!"**

Vegeta kept walking.

"**I swear if you don't stop, I will make it three times as awful. Maybe even four times!"**

Vegeta disappeared into a forest nearby.

"**Then so be it, Prince Vegeta. You will have to prove yourself worthy of your lineage…five times!" **A bright white light jet forth from his outstretched hand and bolted into the forest to follow his son. King Vegeta disappeared. The rain was almost loud enough to muffle Vegeta's gasp of pain and string of curses.

* * *

It wasn't until well past 1AM when Vegeta returned home. He kicked off his dirty boots and tossed his wet jacket onto the couch, making a mental note to clean up the mess later. He passed through the living room, but frowned when he saw Goku sitting in front of a TV playing nothing but snow and blaring white noise.

"Kakarot, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

"_Ssshh._" Goku held a finger up to his mouth without tearing his eyes away from the television. "Do you hear that?"

Vegeta looked around the house incredulously. "No. What are you blathering about?"

"If you listen long enough, you start to hear voices." Goku smiled slowly. "I think they're trying to tell us…about another world. Like, an alien one. Isn't that far out?"

"Kakarot, to the idiots on this ball of dirt, _you_ are the alien."

Goku was taken back. "Oh, yeah! I forgot."

Vegeta sighed and grabbed his hand. "Come to bed. I'm…I'm so—I hope I didn't upset you too much earlier." He avoided Goku's large, obsidian eyes.

"Huh? Oh, I forgot about that once I started talking to Goten and Trunks about aliens." Goku screwed up his face. "But now that you're back I am kinda angry again."

Vegeta turned off the TV and pulled the larger Saiyan down the hall to the bedroom. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you."


	2. Part Two

**Author's Note**: I think this chapter is one of the silliest things I've ever written, haha.

* * *

**Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!**

Part Two

* * *

When Vegeta awoke the next morning, he knew something was wrong. The birds were screaming their heads off outside the window, so the storm must have cleared up in the early dawn. He reached forward to pull Goku's body closer to him, but the other side of the mattress was vacant.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glanced to his left. Goku stood at the entrance of the bedroom, face white as a ghost.

"What's your deal?" he growled. He stretched like a cat under the bed sheets and pulled himself up. _I'm not going look like a slouch in front of Kakarot._

For some reason he felt really cold.

"Uh-oh," Goku said.

"Uh-oh what?" Vegeta ran his fingers through his hair and—

_Huh?…What…_

He tried to do it again.

"What the…what the fuck?" He felt faint. "What the fuck?" he said again, as if his profanity would ease his confusion. "What the fucking fuck?"

"Listen, Vegeta." Goku held up his hands, looking like someone surrendering to the police and free of any drug possession. "I need you to calm down. Okay?" He was also sweating profusely.

Vegeta ran to the chest of drawers in corner of the room and stared in the mirror.

All of his hair was gone.

"Kaka—kaka—"

"I don't know what happened last night, but I swear it wasn't my fault!" Goku cried. "Your hair, it was all over the pillow, and—"

Vegeta looked over at the bed. All of his beautiful Saiyan locks were on the bed sheets, pillows, and floor just chilling as if they had business being there. Every single…last hair follicle…

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Vegeta clawed at his scalp. His velvety, spiky locks, his pride, his manhood, his beauty, every single inch of it was gone! His head was more hairless than a starlet's crotch on the night of a red carpet event.

_How the FUCK did this happen?! _"Kakarot, a Saiyan dies with the same amount of hair on his head at the day he was born! This is an impossibility!"

Goku ran toward the bed and rummaged through his nightstand drawer. "Vegeta it's okay, I know how to fix this!" He pulled out a Sharpie and stood in front of Vegeta to save his eyes from the further onslaught of viewing his bald-egg head. He drew something on the Prince's forehead.

"Okay, look at it now!" Goku said with an innocent smile. Vegeta pushed him aside to get another glimpse of himself in the mirror.

"YOU FUCKING MORON!" Vegeta's face glowed red as a bright tomato. Goku had drawn two rows of six dots right where his widow's peak used to be.

"See, now you look like Krillen. Problem solved!"

"WHY WOULD I WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOUR WEAK, IDIOTIC, SHORT, BALD FRIEND?" Vegeta spat on his hand and tried to rub the six marks off his head.

Goku put his hand behind his head. "I'm sorry Vegeta, but I don't know what else I can do!"

Vegeta started to hyperventilate. He clutched both hands on the side of the chest of drawers until the oak finish split beneath his white knuckles. "I think I'm going faint."

"Don't be silly, Vegeta. It really isn't that serious—_oh_!" Vegeta collapsed onto the floor in a pathetic puddle of Saiyan.

"Oooh, what do I do now?" Goku flailed his arms around helplessly. He rummaged inside his gi pants until he found his phone. He dialed a number, and screamed into the headset the moment someone picked up on the opposite end.

"Good morning Goku! What's up?"

"Vegeta just fainted!" Goku picked the Prince up from the floor and flung him over the shoulder.

"Whoa. Did you guys train each other to death or something?" Bulma was aware of their relationship, and wanted to offer Goku any sort of emotional support when dealing with her ex. Half the time he was a pompous jerk, which was his tolerable side. During the other half he was usually freaking out about something most other people didn't care about too much.

"He lost all of his hair. It just fell out while we were sleeping." Goku carried Vegeta through the living room, and saw Goten and Trunks sleeping on top of each other on the couch…Which was strange, since they had a huge guest loft setup downstairs. Goku shrugged it off for now, and walked outside onto the crisp lawn. It really was beautiful outside, a perfect day to train and maybe rummage around the beach for a few hours. Maybe Vegeta would be up for it later.

"What do you mean 'lost it'? Like, it just _fell out_?"

"Yeah. Do you think you can do anything to make it grow back?"

Bulma snorted. "For centuries men have searched for the cure for hair loss. Surprisingly in this day and age of personal space ships and time travel, I don't have too much that can help him beyond surgery." She sighed over the line. "And there's no way I could give Vegeta hair like he had before."

Goku was crestfallen. All his life Bulma was the brains behind the Z-fighters, building technical contraptions that set her in the same vein of scientific giants like Einstein and Hawking. But now she was just giving up!

"Come on, Bulma," Goku whined. He began to pout and use his puppy-dog eyes despite the fact she was miles away at Capsule Corp.

She _tsked_. "Okay, give me some time and I'll see what I can do. I can run some tests if you send him on over here later today."

"Thanks so much, Bulma!" Goku hung up and looked at his pathetic partner, who was still passed out. He walked back into the living room with him still slung over his shoulder, and shook Goten's limp body on the couch.

"Mmm?" Goten arose off Trunks slowly. "Oh, weird, I don't remember coming up here. Hey, Trunks." He shook his friend under him until he roused from his own slumber.

Trunks looked up into Goten's face, smiled…then looked further up at Goku's curious expression. "Ah, Goku!" He pushed Goten off his lap and straightened his clothes.

Goku would have to question his son and "friend" later. "Do either of you have a hat? Vegeta lost all of his hair in the middle of the night and fainted in shock."

"Oh, shit, Dad!" Trunks said, staring at his father's shiny bald head. His hand hesitated for a quick second, but he found the bravery to rub his father's head like a magic lamp. "Hehe."

"I have a hat!" Goten said cheerfully. He scrambled away from the couch and ran to his room on the opposite side of the house.

_GuuurRRP. _Goku's stomach rumbled loudly. He clenched his abs with his Vegeta-free hand. "I'm starving! I'm going to go grocery shopping with Vegeta and see if that will make him feel any better."

Goten bounced back into the living room holding a knit hat. "I think he'd look pretty cool in this one."

"Thanks." Goku shoved the cap down onto Vegeta's head. He already looked a lot less offensive…Cute, even! "Alright, see you two later?" Goku gave Trunks a sideway glance. Trunks just shyly looked off into another corner. _I guess I can leave these two alone without them getting into trouble._

Goten and Trunks waved goodbye as Goku blasted off from the front lawn into the clear skies.

* * *

Vegeta woke up as they landed in the parking lot of a supermarket miles west from the Son home. Right in the middle of the city. Which Goku only tolerated because the city had lots and lots of food. Goku slowly set the tiny-framed Vegeta down on the lot asphalt. "You doing okay, buddy?"

Instinctively, Vegeta reached for his head. "What did you put on me? Are these cat ears?"

"_Nyaan_, I think it looks cute, Vegeta!" Vegeta was wearing Goten's black cat cap with pointy kitty ears. The hat even had giant green kitty eyes knitted on the front.

Goku reached out and pulled on one of the ears affectionately. Vegeta slapped his hand away. "I'm not your fucking kitten!"

"Don't worry Vegeta, this is just temporary. I called Bulma and she said I can take you over to Capsule Corp to see if we can fix this later." Goku pulled on Vegeta's arm and walked toward the grocery basket stall next to the supermarket's entrance. "Just chill out. We can distract ourselves with food!"

"You _would_ make us do something _you_ liked to make _me _feel better," Vegeta growled under his breath. He felt like a child as he followed Goku through the sliding entrance doors.

**ALERT! ALERT! STOLEN MERCHANDISE HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM THE PREMISES! **Alarm bells screamed as Vegeta cross the threshold into the store. Everyone within a 50 foot radius took their attention away from their shopping carts and screaming kids to stare at Vegeta.

"Oh, gods." Vegeta pulled his cat hat down low enough to cover his eyes. _This is so shameful_, he thought. _I look like I just walked out of a godsdammed anime convention!_

"Hold it right thurr, buddy!" A security cop strolled over to the confused couple. He was rotund and held his hand cocked at his side as if he had a loaded gun. All he was packing was a silver whistle and a pair of keys on his pant hip. The sirens continued to scream in the background as he poked Vegeta in the side. "Can I see the receipt for your goods?"

Vegeta pulled away from the probing finger. "We just walked into the damn store!"

"Yeah, mister, we just walked in," Goku said.

"Then why is the alarm going off, huh? Can you explain yourself out of _that_ pickle, partner?" The cop poked Vegeta's ribs again.

Vegeta blushed. "I don't know why your shitty security system has failed, but if you touch me one more time I will bite your finger clean off and shove it so far up your ass you'll be using it as a tongue!" Fuming, Vegeta stalked away.

Goku laughed nervously. "Sorry, sir. We really did just walk in." He raced after Vegeta down a food aisle.

Vegeta silently loaded up their basket with various goods without saying a word. _This isn't working out as well as I planned_, Goku thought. He pulled down a huge box of Frosted Flakes, turned around, and saw a young woman staring at his backside.

"Oh my!" She said, blushing.

Goku blinked. "Hi?"

The woman continued to stare, this time up and down Goku's body. Her mouth was gaping open. Speechless.

"Can I help you with something?" Goku _hated_ this part about going into the city! People would always look at him funny, usually women, like he was some kind of freak of nature. He could never figure out what was so interesting about him, and some days felt rude enough to just tell them to go away. _That wouldn't be very nice, though_.

"What are you looking at, woman?" Vegeta screeched from a few feet away. He saw the lady leering at his man, and looked as if he was ready to twist her arm off.

She ignored Vegeta. "I was just admiring your, um, pants." The woman took the opportunity to gaze at Goku's nether regions. "Yeah, I'd totally hit that. Mm-hmm."

"Excuse me?" Goku said.

"Did I say that out loud?" The woman covered her mouth. "Sorry! I just really, really…like your pants."

Goku's face brightened. "Oh, um, thanks! They're not that special, though."

"They're _quite _spectacular." She looked as if she could jump Goku right in front of the stack of Froot Loops to their side.

"Beat it, tramp." Vegeta hooked his arm with Goku's and stuck his tongue out at her. "He's not interested." Before the woman could retort with anything, Vegeta dragged Goku around the corner to the next aisle.

To his chagrin, a whole flock of peeping women were just around the corner, nearly climbing over themselves to catch a glimpse of Goku.

Goku blushed and waved. "Hello."

"Hi!" All of the women said in unison. The age group ranged from high-school girls to the elderly. A pudgy grandmother tried to peer between the legs of the women in front of her, her old lady purse jingling with the sound of loose change as her hand shook in excitement.

"I can't believe this!" Vegeta said. _This literally happens everywhere we go. Women slobbering all over Kakarot. Not today. _Vegeta walked up to the leader of the pack, a hot 20-something whose blouse buttons had miraculously opened to reveal her lacy bra. "He's taken, harpies!"

"By whom?" asked a hipster girl who was twirling her long hair around her finger, basking in the hotness that was Son Goku.

"By _me._"

All of the women pried their eyes away from Goku long enough to give Vegeta a once-over. "Are you his kid cousin or something?" a woman asked.

"I'M NOT A CHILD!" Vegeta screamed, baring his fangs.

"It's okay, Vegeta." Goku rubbed the Saiyan Prince's shoulders. "They usually go away when I go through checkout."

"No. I'm tired of this shit!" He pulled Goku toward his chest and kissed him deeply. Goku blushed at seeing all of the women gape at them.

He gently pushed Vegeta away. "Not in front of them, 'geta!"

He ignored him, and pulled Goku's head down to smash his lips into his face. He pushed his tongue down the taller man's throat, who moaned in response. Vegeta ripped his face away from Goku, and stared in defiance at the women. "Do you all get it yet?"

One woman pulled a church fan out of her purse and waved it under her neck. "That's actually kinda hot, sir."

"Yea, we like it," said the hipster girl. All of the women murmured and nodded in agreement.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me! _"Am I going to have to fuck him right in front of you before you catch a hint and go away?"

"Yeah, do it!" yelled a faceless woman from the back.

Goku was as red as a beet now. "Vegeta, what are you doing, we're in public!"

"Shut-up, Kakarot." His wounded pride was, metaphorically, throbbing and bleeding in his mind. How did he lose so much control in his life and over those around him? He bent Goku over the shopping basket, and rubbed his ass through his orange gi.

"Vegeta!" Goku bit his lip at the sensation, and felt at least a dozen eyes burning into his rear end.

He heard the familiar sound of Vegeta unzipping his jeans. He pulled his hard member out from the barriers of underwear and denim, and stroked it slowly so that his slick coated him from root to tip.

Goku looked over his shoulder. "We can't do this here, Vegeta!"

"Hush." He pulled Goku's pants down just beneath his smooth buttocks and pushed a knee between his legs. He spread Goku gently open and probed at his entrance to get it moist.

Goku could only blush and groan helplessly at the women gaping at them in the aisle. None of them were running to tattle on them to security, and they formed a protective enough circle around the grocery cart to keep any innocent bystanders from glancing down the aisle to see him about to get pounded.

Finally, Vegeta pushed himself in slowly. He bent Goku further over and admired his ass. "Fuck, Kakarot," he breathed while rubbing the strong muscles of his backside. Soon he was pumping into Goku, and he grunted softly after each time their skin made contact.

"Hnn," Goku moaned as the Prince angled himself so that he hit that sensitive bundle of nerves inside of him. He panted and clenched his eyes shut. Vegeta started to pull himself out slowly, as if to stop, but just thrust deep into the same spot over and over again. Stars flittered in front of Goku's eyes, and he felt his own hardness press against the basket. All of the eyes on him made him feel a twist of shame and excitement in his chest.

"Are you all taking a hint yet?" Vegeta grunted, staring at his audience. It actually turned him on a bit to see all of the women get hot under the collar in such a public space, especially with Goku making all of those noises…

He reached down and tended to Goku's own aching hardness, stroking in time with his own thrusts. The taller Saiyan felt like the world was spinning, with Vegeta inside and around him, and his Prince was tenderly rubbing his hips in that way that always surprised him. He felt a sudden burst of affection in his heady state, and wanted to tell the Prince he loved him deeply.

As if he heard his thoughts, Vegeta pumped Goku's cock harder until he gasped and spurt between his fingers. "Vegeta_aaa_," Goku moaned. Vegeta kept pulling on him until he was dry and wobbly on his feet.

"You're beautiful, Kakarot," Vegeta murmured before coming hard. He pressed himself deep inside of Goku's clenching tightness until he saw a white substance dribble down his lover's leg.

"Hot damn," one woman said. Her glasses were fogged up from the performance.

Vegeta pulled out and faced the women before even bothered to put himself back into his pants. He placed his hands on his hips. "Do you all get the picture _now_?"

"Yes, I think we got the picture quite clearly." A tall man wearing a manager's uniform broke through the crowd of women. Behind him stood the _real_ police.

Vegeta stared up at them, pants still unbuttoned. "Well, shit."

* * *

The two were sent to the county jail for indecent exposure. When they got arrested in the store, Vegeta was about to bail but Goku told him the police would just follow them home.

Goku clung to the jail cell bars, tears streaming down his face. "I want to go home!"

"Shut-up, Kakarot." Vegeta was laid out on the cot flush against the cell wall. "And stop crying. You're embarrassing me. If you really wanted to leave you could just blow this place up."

"I'm trying to be good. You were the one who wanted to—you know—" Goku gesticulated wildly. "Right in the middle of the store!"

"You liked it." Vegeta groomed his hands with a nail file, looking smug. "They'll give us our phone call soon enough."

"Son Goku?" A uniformed man walked into the holding cell area.

"Can I please use my phone call?!" Goku blubbered. The man pulled a large ring of keys from his belt buckle and opened the cell door. Vegeta sneered at him as if he was something gross on the bottom of his shoe. Goku ran to the phone in the corner of the room and dialed the keypad in a flurry.

"Bulma? Bulma!" Goku screeched. "You gotta help us!"

"You sure are getting into a lot of trouble today. What can little old me do for you now? And why are you calling from this weird number?"

"Um, well. We're in jail right now."

Vegeta could hear his ex scream over the phone from all the way across the room.

"What the hell did you do!"

"It's kind of a long story, but basically we did something…_naughty_ in the store," he whispered. "I'm really scared. They haven't given us any food all day and I don't think I can last much longer!"

"You moron, we've been in the holding cell for thirty minutes!"

"Anyway," Goku said, dismissing Vegeta with a wave of his hand, "Can you help us get out?"

"Goku, I'm not above the law. I can do a lot, but I can't just get you out of jail."

"Could you bail us out? It's a bit high…"

"God." Goku could already imagine Bulma rubbing her temples over the phone. "I knew I would have to bail someone out of jail in my lifetime. I thought it would be Trunks, though."

"So you'll do it!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll come on down there now. You two really are something." She hung up the phone.

Goku hummed and started to dial a new number on the phone. The cop standing at his side pressed down on the phone's hook and switch. "What on earth are you doing?"

Goku gave the man his best set of puppy-dog eyes. "I was calling a pizza place."

"No. Just…no." He ushered the Saiyan back into the jail cell.


End file.
